yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
