Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
