I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
