do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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