Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
