I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
