I bet he comes in French.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
