why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
