if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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