Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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