You don't have asthma, your pregnant
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
