Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
