woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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