dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
