Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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