There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
