tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
