High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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