Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
