Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
