I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
