You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
