I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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