WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
