My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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