so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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