Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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