He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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