so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
