Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.

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(319): View more from Iowa

went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.

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(602): View more from Arizona

So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.

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(661): View more from California

He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.

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(801): View more from Utah

He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.

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(914): View more from New York

He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?

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(630): View more from Illinois

He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys

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