Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.