Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.