I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys