I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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