i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
