Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
