Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
