The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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