On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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