I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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