Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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