I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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