I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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