So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found the puke drawer
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
