My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
only you would photoshop your dick
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
