Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
