oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there was a trapeze. enough said
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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