he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
