but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
