You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
These tits shall not be calmed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
