3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
