When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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