drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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