you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
