i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
