my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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