just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
