Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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