Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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