i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
