nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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