moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
