new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
